NE Life Coach and Self-Belief
As a Life Coach I work with lots of clients to support them in building their Self-Belief. Here are some tips that you may find useful.
Try and accept yourself
Ooh that’s obvious! Easy! If I could do that then I wouldn’t have a problem with self-belief! Do these responses sound familiar? They used to be mine. I would find this comment so annoying – just accept yourself. As if I haven’t tried! Hmm well come to think of it, have I REALLY tried? Consciously tried? Consciously and persistently tried? Honestly, have I chosen to do this day after day after day? Do I think the thoughts? Do I voice the affirmations? It was then that the penny fully dropped – nope I haven’t really tried to do this. I suspect I’m not alone!
You are truly amazing, you are unique. The world is blessed to have you and your unique talents in this world. Tell yourself that. Do it. Each day, tell yourself that you believe in you, that you accept you, that you deserve to be happy, loved and successful. Trust me, it really does work! Before you know it you will be on your way to being the best possible version of you that you can be.
You may have been brought up thinking that this is self-indulgent, that it’s self-centred. Well actually, it needs to be! You need it to be! You need to indulge yourself, you need to centre on you! Not all the time but set aside some time each day. Do something to take care of you. It might be as simply as sitting and mindfully enjoying a cuppa, or 10 minutes uninterrupted reading; it may be a walk along the beach. Whatever it is, choose to do it for you because you deserve to be looked after.
One of the kindest things I did for myself this week was to sit in the garden one morning, just for 10 minutes. It was 10 minutes where I was completely present. Where I was so completely aware of the warmth of the sun on my arms, of how my skin tingled in that warmth, the slight breeze in the air that gently brushed over the top of my arms. The lovely tune that the blackbird was singing. Each sound, each movement, each sensation, I was there with them and fully aware and it was so completely refreshing. As I headed back into my office I did so with renewed energy and felt refreshed.
I’m sure you’ve experience times when you’ve been struggling with something and after stepping away you see it in a new light. When you step away and spend time with yourself, you see yourself differently. You start to see what you are capable of; you start to see your potential; you start to see your true worth and you begin to appreciate yourself so much more.
Stop comparing yourself to others
I recently watched Mathew McConaughey’s Oscar acceptance speech where he talks about the 3 things he needs daily, one of which is someone to chase. This is his hero. His hero is himself in 10 years’ time. At the end of those 10 years, it’s himself in another 10 years. He knows he will never reach that person and that’s fine because striving to be that person means he’s continually improving and striving to be the best he can be. That is the only person to compare yourself to. I’m very competitive but not in terms of league tables or comparing myself to others, I’m competitive with me – can I be better than I was last time. That constant striving keeps me engaged.
The wandering mind
This is when your inner critic will jump in. That mischievous monkey that will start chattering away and undermining you and all you do. “You’ll fail, just like always” “ everyone will laugh at you” “no one believes in you” “everyone thinks you’re stupid” “they don’t even know you exist”. I accept my inner critic. It’s there for a reason. It has positive intentions, it just doesn’t really know how to express itself positively; so, until it does I welcome it and mentally make it a G&T and ask it to take a seat and let me know when it can express positivity. Haha I may have to make a few G&Ts and very often I will need to combine it with some mindful breathing for a few minutes but it works. Fighting the inner critic doesn’t’ help. If you know the story of the 2 wolves you will know why. You can read Feeding Wolves here.
You cannot escape it! I’m starting to weave exercise into my day more. I have some challenges with mobility so I do what I enjoy at the times that it works best for me. I have committed myself to a certain amount of time each day. Some in the morning and some throughout the day. I do it as I need it. I do something that is achievable and could well be categorised more as movement than exercise but it works for me. It does make me feel better, even just a couple of minutes of stretching or dancing like no-one’s watching leaves me feeling refreshed and energised and keen to get on with my day. I feel that self-belief rise a little more each time I do it.
Write it down
Some call this journaling. Writing things down accesses a different part of the brain to saying it out loud. It has an impact. Write down some positive things about yourself and then say them out loud. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, these are for you. These are your successes, things that you are proud of or happy about. Loving your shoes? Write it down! Loving your hair today? Write it down! Not only does it help you today, but it also helps in the future when you can look back at these things.
Do the right thing
Do what’s right, not what’s easy. If you stick with what you know to be the right thing then it’s much easier to believe in yourself. You feel at peace, you feel centred and balance. Knowing that you do what’s right definitely helps your self-belief. Now I’m not advocating being sanctimonious or judging other people’s behaviour; this is you, in your own place in the world, living in alignment with your own core values and self-belief. If you’re out of tune with them, your self-belief will definitely suffer.
Make someone’s day
If you can do something positive for someone else then do it. Even if it’s as simple as paying them a compliment. Don’t underestimate the impact it has on them and don’t underestimate how good you will feel too. Sometimes we consider such things to be old fashioned, for example, holding the door for someone, giving up your seat on the bus, buy a coffee for the person behind you in the queue. How can you not feel better about yourself?
Try something new.
Go to new places, eat in different places, try new foods – even if it’s once a week. Do something new. It doesn’t have to be huge, just different. If you like going to the same café on a certain day, order something different, sit in a different place, it’s amazing what impact it has, your perspective can change so much.
If you would like to find out more about the work I do to support clients moving away from negative intrusive thoughts to a place of self-belief and confidence please contact me for a free discovery call.