NE Life Coach Asks How good is your relationship with you?
I’ve been thinking about how much time, effort and energy we put in to building a good relationship with other people, whether it’s at home, at work or in our social life,we spend lots of time listening and supporting. We try to be kind and do nice things for other people. Building that connection requires a certain level of care as well as compassion. These relationships need to be nurtured; they take work; they take effort.
But what about your relationship with you? How much effort do you put in to that one? How much compassion and care do you show to yourself? How often do you show kindness to yourself?
Most of us don’t even think about our relationship with ourselves let alone invest in it. Do you pay attention to it? Do you put the same energy and effort into it? Is this relationship built on respect? Is it built on compassion and kindness?
Often the only time we think about ourselves is in the negative. It’s when the inner critic comes out to play to tell us that we aren’t good enough. This relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we have. It will impact everything. If we don’t nurture a healthy and respectful relationship with ourselves then we simply aren’t setting ourselves up for success. We will limit our potential.
So how do we take steps to build a better relationship with ourselves?
Be curious about yourself and your way of being in all situations. Reflect on this and journal your thoughts. I’ve certainly found that journaling has had a big impact on identifying certain traits that I wanted to change and some that I definitely wanted to keep. Look back over what you write, and you will be able to identify patterns. Once you identify these patterns you may want to opt for a different way of responding.
Self-compassion is critical. Treat yourself as you would treat a dear friend. Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Be patient with yourself.
Listen to your inner voice.
What is it saying? How does it speak to you? If you find that it is behaving as your inner-critic, take a breath. Then remind yourself that you deserve compassion and kindness. Be sincere with yourself. If you are having a tough time, acknowledge that and your feelings. “Things are tough right now and that’s ok. I don’t need to be hard on myself because of it.”
Perhaps this is the time to do something nice for yourself. Take some time to treat yourself to doing something just for you. It could be something as simple as taking 15 minutes to read a good book.
This can take time. This is particularly useful for those of us who have a perfectionist tendency! Invite yourself to experiment with ‘good enough’. What does that feel like? What do you notice about your inner talk and stress level when you freely accept ‘good enough’ ?
If you would like to find out more about how to overcome your inner-critic then please